On Monday I got a "real kick in the teeth". Louise and Fran from The Monashee Spinners & Weavers group to which I had belonged for over three years came to talk to me. They told me that 4 years ago they had a very strong group with regular attendance from all the women involved, but it has been falling apart, so they had asked these women what they thought the problem was and the answer was me. I was told that they all feel uncomfortable around me, so they stopped attending the weekly gatherings and thus there had been no meetings over this summer. The group was falling apart because no one wanted to be around me. They wouldn't tell me what I had done wrong, just that it was "an energy thing" and I'm "just not a fit with the group". Whatever that means... and why did it take over 3 years for them to figure this out? Before they told me I am no longer welcome to come to the gatherings (it was obvious this was what they were getting at) I told them not to worry, they could go tell the women they can all come back now because I will no longer be a part of that group. Hey, what else could I do. I will not try to force myself onto people that don't want me around. I do, after all, have pride and self respect. Needless to say though, this was a very painful experience.
The rest of Monday I felt so awful. I cried and cried, and I wondered what was the matter with me. Why didn't anyone want to be around me? What had I done wrong to make them all throw me away like this? Like yesterdays garbage. I couldn't meditate that day (a new skill I'm developing) as I was just too hurt and too upset. However, talking to a couple friends on the phone did help a lot and got me through.
Tuesday was another day. I did my meditation and I did my journal writing.
While still in meditation I received the word "Powerful" and then "Gifted".
I wrote these down before even opening my eyes (hard to read later, but I knew what they said, lol). I then felt it was time to open my eyes and write, and this is what I did. It was a very interesting and revealing experience.
In part, this is some of what came up (the highlights):
- it is possible they feel "less than" when near me... my power and oneness with God Power is too strong for them. I am powerful and gifted and this could make others uncomfortable about themselves when in my presence.
- on my path to growth & higher consciousness I will have to leave many people behind... they will choose to leave my life as my consciousness grows and changes. These will be sad times but are a sign of my spiritual growth. As the inside changes so must the outside.
-grieve where I must and move on. Forgive them and bless them. Know they are doing the best they can with the understanding and awareness they have at this present time.
- I choose to bless each of them, to send them love, knowing that they too are God Expressing at whatever level they are at. I am grateful for the time spent with them & for all they taught me about spinning, weaving & life. I release them in Love & Light, wishing for them a joyful life.
So you see, Journal writing (another new skill) is already showing itself as a very powerful tool in my life. I don't feel those were "my" words, but are the words of "The Godness Within", showing me what I need to learn at this moment in time.